Happy Singles Awareness day, everyone. It is time for us to endure the merciless onslaught of people trying too hard to show how much they “love” each other. This is the bane of existence for any and all lonely people. Allow me to be your guide to the world of hating Valentine’s Day.

First of all, Saint Valentine was not a very good guy. He was made a Saint because he was writing and receiving love letters from a princess. The king did not like that, not one bit, so he had Valentine arrested. Valentine, now in prison, made a deal with the guard so that he could still get letters to and from his lovey-dovey princess. The king found out, and immediately had Valentine executed. This was all while Valentine was a lover to several other women across the kingdom.

There is the history lesson, for the modern holiday. Valentine’s Day is a time for couples to flourish and for singles to confess their love. It is also the time for the bitter to become even more bitter, such as myself. I have never spent a Valentine’s Day with anyone, but that is beside the point. Other people are what make this day miserable. Everyone throws themselves at each other, and the only reason any of it works is because it is Valentine’s Day. I hate that! Valentine’s Day is the same as any other day, it just so happens to be the day a pervert died. You know who else died? Millions that will go without remembrance because “Saint” Valentine decided to try to get with a princess.

The point is that when you look at your girlfriend or boyfriend and give them all of your chocolates and teddy bears, look at that person across the room as well—the person who is alone and scared that this will be their life, that their entire existence might be left without anyone else. Keep your celebrations private. You will be happy, but those around you will resent everything.